


A Soldier Never Forgets

by KaylaAnne2



Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Cuddles, Dean is Not Okay, Dean never wants to hurt cas, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff with Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Nightmares, PTSD, Post-War, Professional help, Soldier!Dean, but cas is helping him get better, cuteness, hurt!Dean, violence resulting from PTSD nightmare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 16:39:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19299637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KaylaAnne2/pseuds/KaylaAnne2
Summary: Dean comes home from war and is overjoyed to see his boyfriend again, but he struggles mentally to overcome the effects of war. He never expected the war to follow him home, but Cas helps him to feel safer and to always feel loved.





	A Soldier Never Forgets

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warning: PTSD induced nightmares that trigger physical violence (choking, etc.) whilst still asleep
> 
> If I forgot any warnings, shoot me a comment, please. Otherwise, enjoy the fic!

Cas looks around frantically, knowing his love will be walking through the doors of the terminal at any moment after a two year deployment. Cas misses Dean so much that it physically hurts sometimes when he sees Dean’s face on the computer screen, unable to reach out to brush his fingers over Dean’s stubble that he still refuses to shave or to run his fingers through Dean’s sandy hair.

Cas’s breath catches when he notices those green eyes searching for someone, his army uniform hugging him and showing his sacrifice for his country. Cas rushes forward and cries out Dean’s name, causing the man to look over just in time to notice Cas and catch him as he launches himself at Dean, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck, wrapping his legs around Dean’s waist, and burying his face in the fabric of Dean’s uniform at his shoulder.

Dean keeps murmuring Cas’s name and ‘I love you’ s and Cas can’t help but lean back to look at Dean’s eyes for a moment before grinning and crashing his lips with his boyfriend’s, not caring that they can’t really kiss properly with how much both of them are smiling.

Cas pulls back and slides down off of his boyfriend and pulls him in for another hug.

“I missed you, babe,” Cas says, grinning up at Dean again, taking in his features and reaching up to trace his fingers over Dean’s smooth face, free of stubble.

“I missed you, too, angel,” Dean says, brushing his own fingers over Cas’s face as if to memorize it all again. Cas smiles and leans in for another peck, beginning to remember where they are.

“Home?” Cas asks and the joy Dean’s eyes hold at that word makes Cas want to tell Dean about all the changes he made to include more pictures of them, finally putting together the home they dreamed of together.

“Home,” Dean confirms, taking Cas’s hand and placing a kiss to the back of it, taking off his hat to reveal his shaved head only to place it on Cas’s head. Cas feels whole again, as if merely touching Dean completed his very being.

 

\---

 

Cas wakes to Dean shaking and whimpering, sweating in his sleep even though he’s only wearing boxers. Cas moves to turn on the lamp and faces Dean to get a better look. Dean has his bottom lip captured in his teeth, as if to silence his cries and the wobble in his lip that Cas knows indicates his emotional distress.

“Dean,” Cas says, trying to wake Dean up by lightly shaking his arm and repeating his name. Cas becomes more aggressive in shaking Dean’s shoulder and practically shouting his name before Dean wakes up gasping, grabbing Cas’s hand and twisting so that Cas is on his back with Dean’s arm pressing up against his neck, effectively pinning him and cutting off his air.

“Dean,” Cas gasps. “It’s me. Baby, please.”

Dean seems confused, but his arm lightens pressure, allowing Cas to gasp air back into his lungs.

“You’re safe, Dean. You’re safe. It’s Cas, you’re safe,” Cas keeps repeating, trying to get through to Dean without struggling and freaking him out again.

“Cas?” Dean rasps. “Oh god, Cas.”

Dean jumps away from Cas and scrambles back to the opposite end of the bed, almost falling off of the bed with how far he’s hanging off the edge. He keeps repeating ‘I’m sorry’ on a loop like a broken record and Cas’s heart reaches out, but he needs to catch his breath first, coughing and leaning over the edge of the bed just in case he actually retches as he feels like he will to the mantra of Dean’s apologies. Cas gasps and slows his breaths until he’s breathing normally.

Cas turns back to get back up on the bed to turn to Dean and open his arms.

“It’s okay Dean, come here. It’s okay. I’m not mad, I promise,” Cas tries to reason, letting out a breath of relief as Dean crawls over into Cas’s arms. Cas wraps him up and pulls the blanket up to cover them as soon as he feels how cold Dean’s skin is. He suspects that Dean’s shivering isn’t only a result of the cold, but he holds Dean close to keep the shivering to a minimum, hoping to lessen Dean’s freak-out. Cas runs his fingers up and down Dean’s back until finally settling into Dean’s hair and giving him a scalp massage, feeling the fuzz starting to come in.

Cas pulls back a bit and moves his hand to cup Dean’s jaw, rubbing it patiently as he waits for Dean to look at him. When he does, Cas’s breath catches at the broken look in Dean’s eyes. This isn’t the first night this has happened, but it’s rare for Dean to act out physically after these dreams. Usually he turns immediately into Cas’s arms once he realizes that he’s back home, but Cas understands. The training of the military has Dean terrified of contact when he wakes up from a nightmare and Cas should have known better than to shake him awake, but they can both work on this later. Right now Cas is concerned about Dean’s guilty look.

“I’m so sorry Cas, I hurt you,” Dean rasps, searching for something in Cas’s eyes, but Cas only gives him comforting love and hopes that he portrays his forgiveness in his eyes.

“I am not going to pretend that it was okay for you to choke me, but I do understand Dean. You were acting on instinct. I know that you would never hurt me when you are aware, but these dreams are starting to scare me,” Cas admits.

“I’m sorry. What can I do, please,” Dean pleads.

“I know that you hate the idea, but I think you need to get some help. Some professional help. I am fairly certain that this is PTSD and I cannot help you to the extent that you need to work through this. I am not expecting it to get better completely, but I hope that you feel a bit safer after working through it all. I just want you to feel like you are safe.”

“Okay,” Dean agrees without hesitation, showing in more ways than words ever could have just how sorry Dean is and how much it scares him that he’s hurting Cas.

“Thank you, Dean. I love you, baby,” Cas says, gently kissing Dean’s lips.

“I love you, angel. I’m sorry,” Dean repeats.

“I forgive you, really, I do.”

 

\---

 

Dean has been going to therapy for about a year now and his fiance couldn’t be prouder of his progress. Dean hasn’t been aggressive after a nightmare in six months, he jumps less at every loud noise, and he stops trying to tackle Cas at every perceived threat to protect him. He’s spent more time with his brother and has been asking for help more than ever.

But some nights are just bad. Like tonight, Cas can’t wake Dean up from the dream and doesn’t dare shake him awake. Cas repeats Dean’s name, telling him he’s safe, asking him to wake up, and hoping that Dean can hear him. It’s hard to not reach out and comfort his fiance, but the therapist said that it was best to avoid physical contact when Dean isn’t aware of his surroundings and Cas respects that because it has worked without a flaw.

Eventually Dean gasps awake and Cas keeps repeating the comforting words, just a little louder, until Dean focuses on him and takes deep breaths to reorient his surroundings, just as his therapist, Pamela, taught him.

Cas stops talking, taking the breaths with Dean and reaching out, taking Dean’s hand and leading him out of the room to sit on the couch. Cas makes sure that Dean is comfortable and walks into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee for Dean. The therapist said it was okay that Dean didn’t sleep after the dreams, just that he needed to take more naps during the day, so they created this ritual.

Cas feels his lids becoming heavy as he shuts off the lights on his way over to Dean, handing his fiance the steaming cup of coffee and moving to grab a blanket to pull over himself as he curls up next to Dean. Dean moves his arm around Cas so that Cas can lay his head on Dean’s heart. Dean props the chair of the couch so the bottom comes up to serve as a footrest so they can lean back as if it is a bed.

Dean already has the television on, quiet enough so that Cas will be able to fall asleep again. Cas feels Dean’s fingers brushing up and down Cas’s arm and he hears Dean’s heartbeat settle down to normal, lulling Cas into a peaceful sleep cuddled up to his fiance.

“I love you angel,” Dean finally says right before Cas falls asleep, ensuring a peaceful sleep for Cas.

_ I love you, too, baby _ , Cas thinks, finally giving into the dreamworld to the heat of his love. They’ll be okay. In the end, they’ll be okay. Cas knows it, Dean is beginning to believe it, and they are getting married in the morning. They’ll be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading to the end! I hope you enjoyed! If you did, be sure to leave a kudos and a comment if you feel like! :)


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